Thailand - Phuket

What an amazing place. I wouldn’t call it tropical island gorgeous, but the beach is big enough with chair service and plenty of active shit to do. The main road goes along the beach the entire way just like in Pattaya, so you don’t really get “beach” hotels if you want to be in the thick of things. I did see some pretty nice ones much further down from the center. The Patong district comprises many blocks rather than just one main street like in Pattaya.

While Pattaya has a terrible beach area with awesome nightlife, Phuket has both, with a giant beach and a giant walking street. The town itself is a little boring during the day…where you should be on the beach getting cocktails and doing water sports. At night it’s amazing. Bars everywhere, girls everywhere. We spent an entire night riding around in a tuk tuk blasting music and singing at the tops of our lungs. It was hilarious, outrageous, and just awesome…though most of the people sitting at the outdoor bars probably thought we were toolbags. I would argue that Phuket’s walking street is wider and maybe bigger overall than in Pattaya, but I thought Pattaya’s was better. Just a feeling I guess. Phuket does have a lot of side areas and multiple levels so it’s not like you can’t find any damn thing you want…or didn’t want for that matter. This is a hedonists paradise and should be visited just for curiosities sake.

One of the best parts of Phuket is its proximity to some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. I’m talking about the shit you see in the movies…like the beach from “The Beach”, for example. Rent a boat and just go out for the day, it cannot disappoint…though to be honest I was quite disappointed with our shitty ass boat with its cuddy cabin “bathroom” and rickety ass seats. But whatever, it is Thailand. Monkey island is cool as shit. They take the boats right up to the edge of the island where the trees hang over. Suddenly you start to notice that the trees are filled with tiny monkeys. The boat dudes started throwing bread and it was on. Those wily fuckers just start jumping right on the boat and grabbing shit. My friend tried to give him a beer…grabbed it with both hands, lifted it up, second guessed his decision then set it right back down. Obviously this was a major let down for our group!

Anyway, there’s also a town called Ko Phi Phi that we really enjoyed (it’s the town connected to the beach from The Beach). I honestly could see staying there…but there are many less crowded places to sun or snorkel right around there if you aren’t staying the night.

Phuket is set up like most foreign beach towns, ocean and beach on one side, then a road, then hotels and restaurants on the other side.

Jan 2024 Visit

The hedonist paradise is gone. It’s true. Now that’s not all doom and gloom. It’s not depressing…for many. It might be perfect for you, it might be just the right amount of wow to you. But this place is vastly different now. It was always touristy of course. But now it’s old. Now it’s families. Now it’s only people that missed the heyday but heard about those days so they went to give it a shot.
Like the go go girl told me while she was besting me at connect four, the street is busy, but the bars are not, and if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know then you aren’t paying attention.
Some remnants remain, but the advertisers and corporations are kings here now.
Don’t get me started on the traffic. It’s impossible to get anywhere. You want a quick trip to old town right across the island, it’s over an hour, always. There’s nothing quick here anymore. The fun beach road hotels are all being replaced by chains. The cruise ships come regularly. It’s just so different. I’m sad. I had fun, a lot of fun, but I went to the things that still make it care free. Christin massage may not last, but it’s a throw back and it’s still great. The bangla road food hall is still great. A menagerie of yelling, hawking, live creatures, and full beers…Thai fun. I call it a food hall because that description makes me happy, but it’s the classic Asian food stall street you find often here, but done tight and dirty. I’m surprised it’s not a McDonald’s by now. You can still count on a fun tuk tuk driver and a guy on the beach who will to get you anything…anything. But for how long I wonder. The legalized weed thing has hurt rather than helped I think. The stores are “cool” and modern, not the fun shit you used to see. Decriminalizing would have been better, it would keep the corporations out.

Notes to self:

-Everybody wants to take care of you during the trip, be your guide the entire time, like in many other countries. I feel like this is essential in Phuket and the best bet is to let it happen naturally while on the beach. People will be offering all kinds of stuff, so get to chatting, and go from there. They will keep others away as well if you so wish. It’s nice to have someone to answer your questions and get whatever you want though.
-You have to go to the islands, Phi Phi especially, monkey island especially, as many as you can.

Kudo Patong Beach - Jan 2024

My hotel the kudo is an independent adults only spot. It has djs at the pool from 12 to 12 every single day. Fun maybe, but also maybe why the whole town has jumped the shark. They do it to remain significant, but it’s entirely unnecessary, except to attract people who think that’s day to day reality.
To be fair, it’s geared towards a middle eastern crowd, shisha everywhere, the music, the fire shows. It’s one of the most repressed places on planet earth so this being “the life”, makes sense to me.
My room was a beach front suite, and while I could certainly see the ocean, it’s not exactly on the ocean. The balcony had a hot tub and it looked right over the pool, so overall I was pretty happy. But loud AF.

Patong Beach Hotel - Jun 2012

Having walked up and down the main road on numerous occasions, I can safely say that this is one of the better hotels with better locations that they have in Phuket (most of the hotels are shit, and the resorts are generally more out of the way).

The hotel is offset from the main road but there is a cool restaurant and bar right at the entrance. The hotel itself has a pool right when you walk in that actually sets the mood quite nicely right from the start. The hallways are “breezeways” but whatever, the climate there is what you want anyway. My room was fine, nothing great to speak of but it was a basic room with an amazing view of air conditioners.

*I think this doesn’t exist anymore cause I could not for the life of me find it!